Beating the Burnout (pause?)

Hey GwenPal,

Ughhhhhhhhhhh….

Yea. It’s been a fucking week.

I just keep realizing I have so many obligations and the constant state of panic I’ve been feeling lately has created the perfect environment for executive dysfunction.

In other words, I’m pooped. Between online classes, fall registration, and the increasing pressure of insurmountable cultural expectations, I feel like a 1989 Suzuki Sidekick parked at the side of the freeway with an empty tank.

I just want to crawl into the space between Saturday and Sunday and stay there forever in eternal weekend bliss, but I know that I can’t stay idle for long, because if I don’t keep the fire under my ass burning, I’ll get complacent. I remember my glory days back in high school when I would pull all-nighters finishing (or attempting to finish) 10-20 page research essays. I’ve honestly made some of my proudest works in a slurried haze of sleep-deprived mania (kinda like the state I’m in right now. Some things never change).

Still, there is a limit to even my determination. There are only so many days I can keep up the “due today, do today” programming before exhaustion becomes a part of my daily routine. Waking up tired every day (or not even sleeping) is not good at all, especially for a growing girl(?) like me. I need my beauty sleep, and stress is NOT good for my cuticles.

The problem is, I don’t really know how to stop. Burning myself out, I mean. I know I’m supposed to take breaks and shit (I also do my yoga 💅🏾) but I never feel fully rested when I take a break, so it feels kinda useless. But when I don’t take a break, suddenly I feel like a crazed animal locked in a cage ready to d e s t r o y e v e r y t h i n g, so not taking a break is not an option. Also overloading my dopamine receptors by staring into my doom machine (my phone) for 10 minutes straight does not count as a break. I’m starting to think I found a way to make myself as miserable as possible when it comes to getting things done and then optimized it to make it worse.

But I rarely allow myself to dwell in hopelessness these days (it’s not very cash money); I may not know how to rid myself of stressors completely, but I do have some tips I learned to keep the burnout at bay.

1. Start as early as possible and take breaks. Often. More often than that. Even if it’s every 10 minutes, the moment you feel off, you’re taking a break (this tip is courtesy of my older brother. Thanks, it’s actually useful).

2. Instead of scheduling tasks, I schedule rest. Since my work time kinda bleeds into everything else, I decided to release my control over when things get done and instead focus on creating designated time for me to unwind. Whether it’s a 20-minute meditation session or 2 hours to read a book (the one I’ve been telling myself I’ll read eventually), I plan a time and I stick to it. This is really helpful for me because while I usually prioritize the work I do for others, I tend to put my own needs on the back burner (and watch the kitchen catch fire). This way I train myself to put my own needs first. You have to put on your air mask before putting on another’s, right?

3. Playing animal crossing during my breaks. I’m dead serious. I think just having something you can work on just for you is very important as a creative. I finally got a five-star rating, do you know what that feels like—

If you have any other suggestions for backhanding the burnout, I would greatly appreciate it.

What’s Gwynny Thinkin’ About?

I spent this past weekend witnessing the wedding(s) of one of the women at my church. We haven’t known each other for that long, yet she invited me to be a part of her bridal party (for the traditional wedding—Some Nigerians like to have both a traditional and white wedding), but I suppose we are family friends (and go to the same youth group), so I was honored regardless.

The bridal party was full of gorgeous women—some I had never met before, and some that I had known my entire life—most of which I was unsure of their opinion of me. Sure they would greet me with smiles on their faces and a pleasant disposition but I never felt any desire to connect on their end, just mind-numbing small talk.

I’d experienced this before. The thick stench of uncertainty wafted from my clammy hands as I felt desperation crawling up my throat. Even so, I didn’t give in to my people-pleasing addiction, and that feat alone is one I’ll always be proud of. But I reached a new milestone this week:

I have officially reached the “do not give a fuck” status! 🏆

For the first time, I saw all these girls that I used to look up to, envy even, and I was unbothered.

If I smiled and they smiled back? Wonderful, she’s a girl’s girl. But if they didn’t, they’re probably uncomfortable because it’s 80 degrees outside and we’re all wearing heels on uneven pavement. Not a cute look. I wouldn’t be smiling either if it weren’t for the fact that I find beauty in literally every single situation. And this moment was very beautiful because I didn’t give a fuck.

Ugh, I’m so tired (and I really have to pee) so this ends here.

I’m not going to be releasing a newsletter next week (because this is technically a biweekly newsletter), but I want you to know that I’ll miss you the whole time ❤️ 

In the meantime, you can check out the STIC blog— I wrote a review on a very exclusive product so please check it out and let me know what you think!

Until the color of the leaves begins to change,

XOXO

Your GwenPal <3