I don't wanna be an imposter anymore

Greetings GwenPal!

How are you?

I am happy and/or sad to hear that, but I hope this little newsletter (and some background music) will make you feel a teeny bit better regardless.

(I know I said I was going to wait two weeks for my next letter, but I felt too eager to send you some more. Can you blame me? You’re so easy to talk to.)

I am writing to you deeply troubled as I have recently caught a deadly bout of a less-popular viral illness; imposter syndrome.

It’s a chronic issue for me, really, and it only makes me that much more proud to see how far I’ve come. In this past month alone, I’ve written and read more than I have since graduating high school (or honestly middle school—I read a million words a semester and even sold my poetry to other students. I really should have known I would have gone into copywriting). I pushed past the imaginary boundaries of my comfort zone and got farther than I ever thought I could.

Now I’m sitting on the floor, pissing and shitting and crying because I feel way out of my depth.

But we all have to start somewhere. It doesn’t make sense to cower in the corner of my bedroom all day, hoping that I’ll one day magically be qualified and worthy of all of the opportunities I’ve been dreaming of. I don’t want to potentially turn down an opportunity of a lifetime all because I’m too worried about whether I deserve it.

So now, my challenge for this next month is to find where I’m most comfortable and make it uncomfortable to inspire my growth. Y’know, increase the difficulty to level up my stats quicker.

Video games 🎮

God, I’d do anything to have the time to play games again. I’m not talking casually, I mean full-on, 5-hour, bloodshot-eyed binge with granola bar wrappers littering the floor. I want time to immerse myself in a story and get connected to the characters. While cozy games take up the majority of my playtime (I don’t even want to check the Sims 4. I blame it on the Wicked Whims mods), I could shoot cyborg aliens (or alien cyborgs?) for hours.

Any recs? Shoot me an email (or a dm, if you prefer to slide ;)

Straight from the Savvy

I had the pleasure of meeting with Peace Okuns, a (NIGERIAN!!💚🤍💚) freelance copy and ghostwriter for over 6 years, over a video call. It was a wonderful conversation and I loved hearing her talk about her journey into freelance, from the fiery clutches of Fiverr, to financial independence. In theme with today’s topic, I decided to ask her if she’s found the cure for imposter syndrome or if there’s a way to fight against it.

The straight answer? No. But this is what she said:

Yea. Pretty much.

Honestly, this statement was strangely comforting. I literally have no choice but to succeed because I cannot afford to fail. Therefore, my imposter syndrome can, disrespectfully, fuck off.

I also happened to attend the Perfectionist’s Half-Assed Writing Challenge— a Zoom webinar conducted by Amber Petty—and I got a great tip:

💟 Name your inner critic.

That way, you can call it out whenever it starts saying some BS.

“Oh, you’re not good enough, you’ll just embarrass yourself-”

Piss off, Sandra.

“No one wants to read what you write-”

How about you choke, Charlie?

(no offense to any Charlies or Sandras—if you’re reading this, you’re the coolest)

And then do it. Write, or draw, or play, or whatever. Do it before that prick can talk you out of it. Do it half-assed and allow it to be done without shaming yourself or backtracking. This is where your best-received work often comes from.

You don’t even have to like it.

One of my favorite music artists, Aurora, has previously mentioned that she doesn’t enjoy listening to music at all. In a live Q&A with GAY TIMES undistanced in 2020, she stated that she can’t stand listening to music in her spare time (unless she’s on a plane. She hates that more). She cares more about expressing herself through music than actually listening to it, which is fair, and honestly, real. (You can watch the whole interview here.)

You don’t have to love every single thing you write. Other people can do that for you. And if they don’t, someone else will. There’s an audience for everything.

I know this segment of the letter is getting quite long, but I’ll leave you with this:

Don’t mind me, just ensuring a smooth transition to the next (optional) segment of the letter.

What’s the Worm in My Ear is Singing?

This segment is where I talk about a song, album, or music video that I can’t get out of my head (for some odd, strange reason…). Whether out of awe or out of horror, you get to hear alll about it.

This week’s review is of the striking Frankenstein by Rina Sawayama.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this week’s letter. It came a little sooner than expected, but I’ve learned so much and I just had to share it with my spectacular GwenPal! Don’t expect a new edition of my (fabulous) writing every single week. I wouldn’t want to spoil you (yes I absolutely would ❤️).

Until next week!

Gwyn Yvere.